A Tree Without Roots
by shakes18
Summary: Lily Aldrin has been running from her past for a long time, but no one can run forever
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I clearly don't own anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or How I Met Your Mother. If I did, I'd be writing canon rather than messing with it.**

**Buffy: Cannon through Chosen**

**How I Met Your Mother will be canon apart from the things that are changed in the story. If an episode or story arc is skipped, feel free to assume that it happened the same as in the show and I just have nothing to add or twist to it.**

_"A people without knowledge of their past is like a tree without roots"_ - Marcus Garvey 

**Prologue**

Willow stumbled out of Robin's office to get on the bus out of town. Her part of this fight was over, and she was exhausted. Weaving as she walked, she turned every way she could, eager to escape danger in her defenseless state. The clamor of battle raged around her as she leaned against the wall, resting for a minute before taking her final steps outside into the protective sunlight.

This was a mistake.

With a violent shove she found herself being pushed forward onto the ground. Willow's sight came back into sharp relief, adrenaline surging through her, fueling her movements. She rolled forward, coming up into a crouch. Taking a moment to privately congratulate herself on executing a Buffy-esque move, she spun quickly up on her heels, bringing the backup stake she kept in her waistband up in front of her. She stopped short, taking in the view before her. Where a moment ago there had been a clean (for a high school in the middle of an ultimate battle between good and evil that is) hallway, there was now walls painted with the red blood of someone. Two Turok-Han were prowling back and forth, trying to circle a smaller, female figure with a stake in one hand, and her other clutching her neck, blood running between her fingers.

"Go Willow!" came the sharp voice, though some of it's harshness was lost in the speaking, as if every moment was taking more and more strength from it.

Willow gasped sharply, her body forcing her to quickly gather the air she needed to reply before it was too late.

"Kennedy! Are you ok? What happened?" Willow stepped forward to reach out to her, but at that moment, the Turok-Han attacked. Kennedy with a swift leg sweep brought down the first, and drove the stake into it's heart quickly, but her injuries, the full extent of which Willow couldn't tell, slowed her down enough that the second vamp got a chance it never would have any other day. With blinding speed and the violence borne of a creature who likes nothing better than bloodshed, the monster drove it's clawed hand straight through Kennedy's back.

A blast of magic reverberated through the hall, as Willow blasted the second creature into dust, but at this moment the exhaustion caught up with her, and before she could use this sudden second wind, she collapsed next to Kennedy. Teetering on the brink of consciousness, she could barely hear her lover's whisper.

"Will, please get up. Please get out of here. I had to come back for you, and I'm glad I did. I've known for a while that I wouldn't survive this, but you have to." With a great deal of effort, Kennedy reached out her arm, and shoved Willow awake, breathing her last.

Barely able to see through the haze and blood and tears, Willow looked into the now blank face of this young woman with whom she had shared so much. Kennedy was the reason she was able to do magic again. Kennedy was her rock, her support. Her assertiveness had pushed Willow into living her life again after Tara's death, and though the relationship was new, Willow had again lost someone she loved, someone she should have been able to save.

Barely able to breathe past the unreleased sobs in her throat, Willow crawled out into the sunlight. Finally out of danger of the battle, she let herself go, her screams of emotional pain mixing with the chanting she was performing almost unconsciously. With a flash of light, Willow disappeared, not even able to hear the small thunderclap created when the air rushed to fill the void she left.

Willow awoke with a start, but sitting up was the wrong choice. Halfway into the air, she let out a tremulous groan and flopped back down into the bed. Keeping her eyes closed she began to review what she knew. It had been nearly a week since she had magically transported herself out of Sunnydale and into the New York suburban home of her grandparents. Unsure where to go at the time, her chants had simply asked to get as far away from that place of pain as she could, and as best she could figure, her subconscious had directed her to a place she knew well. Her grandparents had of course taken her in and given her a room. Her parents may have been distant her whole life, but there was still love there, and her grandparents had certainly never been withdrawn.

Of course, the downside of their concern for her meant she could hear whispers late at night, wondering what could have happened to her. She knew they planned to ask where she had come from, and what had put her in such a state, but she had worked out a plan.

Willow wasn't the best liar, but after spending so much time with the Scoobies, she had picked up a few things. Besides, given a week to plan, with no physical capability to do anything but lie in bed and think, she was able to come up with something that was fairly airtight.

It should have been easier though. Willow had realized after her first night there that a combination of activating the slayers, killing those Uber-vamps and the transporting herself across the country had left her drained of any ability to use magic. It was slowing her healing as well, the bruises and injuries from the battle only just now starting to feel better.

She had kept an ear open for her grandparents as she sat up again, but more slowly this time, and was pleasantly surprised to find that she could. She forced herself downstairs and decided that a good offence would be her best defence.

"Grandma, Grandpa?" she called into the kitchen.

"Willow dear, what are you doing out of bed?" her grandmother admonished

"I'm feeling better today. Listen can we go into the kitchen and talk? I have some things to tell you." Willow took a few steps towards the door before allowing her Grandmother to take her arm and lead her the rest of the way.

"What's on your mind?" her grandfather joined them in the room, taking Willow's other arm and helping her into a seat.

"I just wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me, and give you some explanation for why I'm here." Willow sank into a chair and absentmindedly grabbed a small roll, toying with it while trying to seem as if she was having trouble starting.

Finally she broke the silence, and then told her grandparents the best story she could, mixing fact with fiction, and being unafraid to make herself look culpable as well as her inventions.

The story she told them was one of half truths. She spoke of a relationship that sent her into a bad place during college, one of addiction and an inability to control herself. After getting help, she returned to college only to find a new relationship, one who she relied on too heavily in getting over that addiction. This fake boyfriend, whom Willow named Caleb (because why not give others a reason to hate that name as well) took advantage of Willow's dependance.

As she got to this part of the story, Willow put some effort into remaining vague, as if she were unable to talk too much about the difficulties he put her through. Finally, after a huge fight, she told her grandparents, she left him only for him to chase her, and force more drugs into her system. Angry at his betrayal and afraid or becoming addicted again, she ran as far as she could from home, and to a place she remembered only with fond memories. She escaped him there, but exhausted and feeling the effects of a new withdrawal, she was able to do nothing but rest the past few days.

They "oohed" and "ahhed" in the right places, and put comforting hands on her shoulders, and Willow felt guilty about deceiving them, but she needed them to believe this danger if the next part of her plan was to work.

The next few days, Willow spoke with her parents for the first time in years, They had moved away from Sunnydale, and what had started as a test to see if they would contact her first, turned into a long silence, only now broken because she needed to inform them of the next part of her plan.

Willow Rosenberg was no more. Instead, legally, Willow changed her name in order to escape her past, even if it was a different one than her family believed, she still needed to run. Determined to get her life back to normal, or at least to what it might have been had she grown up anywhere but on a Hellmouth, Willow enrolled in college at Wesleyan with new black hair, a new attitude and a new name. She left her grandparents house as Willow Rosenberg for the last time, and arrived in Connecticut as Lily Aldrin.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I clearly don't own anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or How I Met Your Mother. If I did, I'd be writing canon rather than messing with it.**

**Buffy: Cannon through Chosen**

**How I Met Your Mother will be canon apart from the things that are changed in the story. If an episode or story arc is skipped, feel free to assume that it happened the same as in the show and I just have nothing to add or twist to it.**

_"A people without knowledge of their past is like a tree without roots"_ - Marcus Garvey

**Chapter 1**

Lily exhaled heavily. She knew that Ted could come home any moment, and that there was food half cooked on the stove. She even knew that the kitchen floor was probably not the most hygienic place to lay naked, but Marshall was with her, and she needed the extra second to process everything that had happened in the last few minutes.

She was engaged.

It was a good feeling, joyous even. She knew that she loved Marshall, and that she was incredibly happy with him. Their relationship, more than anything else, was proof positive to her that she had made the right choice in starting her life over. Marshall was sweet, and goofy, and he loved her.

_And I love him back_, Lily thought with a smile.

Pulling on their clothes, Marshall finally decided to try and open the Champagne, and Lily knew she needed to turn of the stove before the apartment began to fill with the acrid smell of burning. Quickly twisting the knob, she turned back to look again at her boyfriend. No, fiancee, she'd have to get used to that. She turned back to look at her fiancee just in time for a blinding and blaring pain to shoot through her eye.

Damn Marshall and this stupid eyepatch, how was she to know that he was next to her if she couldn't see out of that side at all. Turning back to her magazine, Lily thought offhandedly, _I wonder how Xander dealt with this all the time._

The sudden shock of thinking about Xander (specifically Xander and not her former life in an abstract sense) for the first time in years was given no room to breathe or process as Ted burst into the room with a story about a girl. Lily pushed the thought aside and refocused on Ted and his encounter, but stuck there niggling in the back of her mind, was the reawakening of something that she would have rather left buried.

It had been a couple weeks, and Lily had managed to distract herself every time and of the Scoobies popped into her head. It wasn't too difficult to stop thinking about them, she'd had years of practice trying to forget about her past, but it didn't matter how often she pushed them from her mind, they kept popping back up every time she least expected it.

Well, she decided they came out of nowhere, if she had been allowing herself to truly dwell on their appearance in her mind, she'd have recognized that there was always something reminding her of their presence. The eyepatch was obvious, though she tried not to think of it, but there were other things. Robin had joined their group of friends, and she was still trying not to picture a school principal every time she was mentioned. Ted's obsession and collection of medieval weapons from the Renaissance Fair was one thing that always brought them into her head, but it wasn't always so obvious a connection. Visits to the museum, flowers in the street, Broadway, there was always something reminding her of those friends she left behind. Dwelling on why she was being reminded would be tantamount to returning to the past, so Lily avoided and distracted and told herself that if she thought too much about them it would destroy the good that had come out of leaving them behind.

One of those good things was hopefully going to be that night. Robin had invited them to go out dancing, but Lily wanted to do more mature things. She was an adult now, and far removed from the hedonistic need to dance around hoping to get laid, after all she had Marshall for that. Besides, clubs reminded her too much of the Bron… It didn't matter, she reminded herself, she and Marshall had already planned this gathering weeks ago with some of her teacher friends.

Of course, as the night wore on, and the people in Marshalls apartment became a pointless buzz of noise rather than interesting conversation. She could tell Marshall was frustrated to be here instead of out with their friends, and that the pain in his mouth was just making it worse, but she appreciated that he was sticking it out. It may not have been the most fun night she'd ever had, but it was the exact reason she had started over, to experience a normal life. A life where there didn't need to be some new excitement every 40 minutes.

Marshall didn't have that same need or desire, and when she saw him go to the bathroom, she felt a bit strange. They had talked once about how to secretly escape from that apartment.

"_There is no way anyone would be able to sneak out of this apartment for any reason. It's why Barney stopped using this place to hook up with girls, you know that." Marshall had that infuriating, but also kind of sexy look on his face when he knew he was right. _

"_I never said it was easy to get out, but if I can't use the fire escape, or the door, I could go out the window in the bathroom." Lily was just waiting for him to take the bait. It wasn't often that she let herself get caught up in these hypothetical arguments, but when she did, she prided herself on being able to come up with the unexpected answer. Besides this argument was one she knew she could win. She avoided the memories, but the truth was her brain had been trained to find as many exit strategies as possible from a situation, and that sort of instinct was hard to shut off, even if the associated experience was forgotten._

"_Lil, that window is three stories up, dropping into a fully concrete back alley."_

"_All you'd have to do is hang out the window from your fingers, swing yourself to the left and land on top of the dumpster back there. The plastic lid would break your fall, mostly, and the height of the dumpster, and hanging down, would remove a large amount of the falling distance. You could probably do it without being hurt in any way. And that fails to take into account that when the DeAngeles' have their laundry line out, you could grab on to that to make the fall even easier to deal with._

When that memory came back she somehow knew. Marshall was young, dumb, and overly confident in his athletic ability. He'd been talking for years about jumping from their roof to the one across the alley, there was every possibility that he'd try to get out that window.

Lily excused herself from their guests, and burst into the bathroom to help Marshall's dumb ass back through the window, but instead found herself in one of those rare occasions where she regretted being right. She peered out of the window just in time to see Marshall walking out of the alley, the clothesline snapped and fluttering in the breeze where Marshall's weight broke it from it's anchor in the wall.

But Lily's fury turned cold and morphed into fear as she stood at the window for another moment. Following Marshall out of the alley, she saw something she hadn't seen in years, something that she forgot except in her nightmares. The ridges on it's head disappearing as it stepped out into the alley, the vampire turned after Marshall, and followed out of sight.

Acting instinctively to protect the man she loved, Lily jumped out of the window without thinking, without grabbing on, or hanging down. She just jumped, and didn't even think twice when she landed gently on her feet three stories down. Taking off in the direction of the vampire, her neck went cold and hot at the same time, and the hair on her head felt every slight gust of wind as she sprinted down the street. The vampire wasn't far ahead of her now, nor was it far behind Marshall.

Marshall turned down an alley to cut across to one of the busier streets in the hopes of hailing a cab, and the vampire tensed, picking up his pace as he went down the same alley. Lily put on a burst of speed, entering seconds after the vampire, but still feeling like she was miles behind. She heard the slight growl echo that signified the vamp had put it's game face on, and Marshall was only feet ahead when Lily grabbed the creature by the shoulder and spun it around.

Marshall exited the alley as Lily jumped back, away from the fangs and claws of the monster in front of her. Simultaneously relieved that Marshall had gotten away, and newly concerned that the thing was now looking at her with a smile.

"Well, look at that. Just as I was getting peckish, a meal decides to walk up and offer itself to me, rather than making me chase it down. Goodness I do love delivery."

It had been years since Lily had looked point blank into the face of a vampire, and in that time, she'd certainly lost some of her stomach for it. Before, she was so used to it that she could almost laugh at the grotesqueries. She had at times even been more worried about the quality of puns she made while facing these creatures. But now, that time and distance that had given her so much peace of mind showed it's downside in reawakening her fear of the dark.

Smiling, with a low rumbling growl that was almost a purr, the vampire stepped towards her, grabbing her arms faster than she could blink, and pulling her into his embrace. Lily struggled, hoping to get away. Unable to break free, a haze began to form over her vision as the vampire leaned slowly towards her neck, sniffing deeply as if enjoying the aroma of her fear. Then suddenly, as Lily braced, the vampire stopped suddenly and dissolved around her.

Turning in anger, she raised her hands unconsciously towards the mysterious figure approaching, only to finally have her vision clear and see a young woman, possibly late teens, sashaying towards her, a slight smirk on her face that faltered as she met Lily's eyes. The girl searched in Lily's face again, but apparently didn't see whatever had caused her to hesitate the first time.

"First one I've seen in weeks, lucky I was here." the girl said in an undertone that Lily just managed to hear and shook her head disapprovingly, the light in the alley glinting off of her bald head.

Lily took a closer look at the girl. She was tall, very tall, but incredibly skinny. Dark skinned and beautiful. She walked with an easy elegance, her legs stretching forever into each step she took, while her torso seemed to just flow from one step to the other. Clutched in the long fingers of her left hand was a sharp wooden stake, that the slayer (for this girl was undoubtedly a slayer) tucked into her waistband hurriedly when she noticed Lily seeing it.

"You ok miss?, I think I scared him off when I shouted at him." The girl walked forward cautiously, trying to compose a face of concern and surprise. Lily saw right through it. This girl needed a little practice at deflecting curious survivors.

"Thank you," Lily managed to force out, her breathing still heavy, and she turned and walked away, in the same direction Marshall went.

"Did you save her?" the tall slayer heard in her ear.

"Yea, but she seemed shaken up still, she rushed, didn't even ask me any questions."

"Well that was lucky."

"Yeah. I have to admit though, I was hoping for a little more of a fight. It was the first vamp I've seen in almost two weeks. I don't like that they're laying so low."

"Well what do you expect," the watcher in her ear replied, "This is New York. Vamps were never a big presence here in the first place, too many eyes, too many lights. And now that there is a slayer stationed here permanently, they have even less of a reason to show themselves."

The tall slayer turned and walked away, not bothering to respond.

Around the corner, Lily sank to the ground. It was one thing to see a vampire, and another for it to be killed. But in addition to that, to be confronted that close with a slayer. With a slayer that wouldn't have existed without her actions. To be reminded of her past that forcefully, that quickly was breaking her down, and as Lily sank down into the street and let her breathing come to a close, she decided that going to the club with Marshall might not be a bad idea. Anything to drown out the thoughts and memories.


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I clearly don't own anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or How I Met Your Mother. If I did, I'd be writing canon rather than messing with it.**

**Buffy: Cannon through Chosen**

**How I Met Your Mother will be canon apart from the things that are changed in the story. If an episode or story arc is skipped, feel free to assume that it happened the same as in the show and I just have nothing to add or twist to it.**

_"A people without knowledge of their past is like a tree without roots"_ - Marcus Garvey

**Chapter 2**

Two months.

The wedding wasn't supposed to happen for a while and now it was all happening in two months and she needed to get everything ready. There was no photographer, no caterer, invitations had to be sent out, and there was the band.

The 88 were supposed to be great, sure, but she hadn't even heard them play, and she couldn't just agree to a band without hearing them play. So with the help of Robin and Barney she was going to sneak in to a prom and hear them play. It seemed simple enough, but talking about sneaking into a prom was funny, even the act of finding a way in was fun, being inside however, that was quickly becoming torturous. Seeing these kids dancing and laughing, with their future ahead of them, in this particular setting. It brought up old feelings. So when Robin got puked on, she was silently relieved to get out of the dance and into the bathroom.

Relieved that is, until Robin asked about her prom. Lily flushed. She had long been used to living beyond her lies. Those conversations about her life before meeting them had happened long before with Marshall and Ted. She was past the need to lie to them, her lies had been accepted as a factual history, and though she had few regrets for the necessity of them to maintain her distance from her true past, she didn't enjoy lying to those she cared about. That was the danger of new friends. Still, there was little she could do to avoid it. The questioned was answered with a fabrication she had told before. The fact that she had told the story before made it easier for her mind to wander while she spoke, and in that wandering, she for once allowed herself to think on the truth behind the stories she told.

She told Robin all about her time in high school, with the geeky boyfriend who adored her, and about her prom when she broke up with her boyfriend to find herself. It was funny actually, that her made up past was so similar to the future she used to imagine herself when she was a child. Of course the geeky boyfriend should have been Xander, and the breakup at prom was actually pulled from Buffy. Still, remembering her prom should have been nice, hellhounds and all, but as she told the story, frustration set in. She complained to Robin about how she had never found herself, but really she was frustrated about how much of herself she had lost.

Her lies had taken over her life, and even though that had been the plan, Lily began to worry that her past was just a dream. In her old life, she had been a lesbian, but just a few months ago she was worried about being pregnant. She was here tonight to listen to a band for her wedding to a man. In her old life, she had sworn off lying to those she loved, now circumstances had forced her to sneak around and continue lying to those she cared about.

And it didn't even matter, she had left that life so she could be normal. So she could avoid the supernatural and the dangerous. But not long ago she had saved Marshall from a vampire, and met a slayer. She was even afraid that her magic was coming back.

_Lily was grateful to Robin for inviting her to the awards show. She had felt like a movie star, and it was a great distraction from the difficulties of her life recently. She stamped down the memory of that vampire before it got too far. She didn't want to think about how she had made that jump, or why the slayer had hesitated when speaking to her. She didn't want to be afraid that she had been recognized or worse. _

_She had just managed to shut out that fear when Robin showed up with her date, and Lily swallowed hard. She trembled when she shook his hand, but Sandy just said something about how it was nice to meet a fan who was shaking with excitement to meet him._

_She knew it couldn't be him, not only was Sandy nothing like him on the surface, there was nothing in him that gave any flicker of recognition to seeing her there. Besides, while it had been a while, Wesley was not one to give up the fight, especially not to read the newspaper on television, where many of the enemies she knew he had would have found him easily. _

_Still they looked exactly the same. Willow might have been more freaked out if she hadn't already experienced this situation before. She had seen a few doppelgangers before, the most jarring and scary one was in college with Daryl, who could have been the long lost twin brother of Oz. But while Oz wouldn't have been able to act like he didn't know her, Wesley had gained the ability to play things close to the chest in the years he was in LA., and regardless of her intellectual surety that it wasn't him, Lily still could feel her heart beating very quickly._

_It got worse when she heard Marshall in her head. They had joked before about being able to talk telepathically, being so close that they could communicate with simply glances, but this time was different. She could hear him speaking in her head, and before she could stop herself, she replied. Later that night, she played it off as if she couldn't hear him, and Marshall had convinced himself that he was just interpreting her glances in her voice, but she was troubled. Besides the possible use the night Marshall was being followed by a vampire, she hadn't used any magic since the day she "went" to her grandparents. _

If all it took was stress to bring her magic back out, then she was terrified that this wedding would bring hell down on her new life. Robin may have reminded her that she was marrying someone worth it, but she hadn't been lying when she said that her doubts were in herself. Her past was becoming harder to hide from (especially if Robin was going to kiss her ever again. Man, was that a stark reminder that she missed the feel of lady lips.)

Lily relaxed, and felt better when she danced with Marshall, but it was still there. As she supposed it always would be. Her past just waiting to come back and destroy everything she loved.

"What the hell is going on here?" The tall dark slayer yelled as her watcher burst into her room.

"We can't stay, we have to leave" The watcher was gathering everything he could, stuffing it into bags as he went.

"What? We just got here. Come on Dylan, we hunt for this nest for months, then when we get here you're trying to rush us out? The vamps are all dusted, I took care of them." The slayer folded her arms and looked coolly at the man who was trying to rush her away from something she had fought hard to find.

"You don't understand Amalia, The vamps were just the guards, the master is coming back. I saw him outside, and we need to get out the back before he comes in here to our arms." Dylan the watcher pulled his slayer forcefully by the arm. Amalia yanked her arm from his grasp, but reluctantly followed on her own, remembering that she was given NYC because it was low risk, and that she was trying to get experience, not fight something she didn't know about.

With one final glance and a sigh, she pulled herself out of the back window with ease, and ran into the night, their investigation ruined by some damn creepy crawly who just had to pick tonight to stay in and relax rather than go out hunting.

It didn't matter, time was on their side, sooner or later, they would figure out why the vamps were stepping up their game to even more than pre-awakening levels, and just who it was that was controlling them.


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I clearly don't own anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or How I Met Your Mother. If I did, I'd be writing canon rather than messing with it.**

**Buffy: Cannon through Chosen**

**How I Met Your Mother will be canon apart from the things that are changed in the story. If an episode or story arc is skipped, feel free to assume that it happened the same as in the show and I just have nothing to add or twist to it.**

_"A people without knowledge of their past is like a tree without roots"_ - Marcus Garvey

**Chapter 3**

Lily was walking quickly, running through the options in her head. She had been on her way down to the bar when she saw the vampire. She didn't know the girl, and didn't know the vamp, but no matter how far removed from her past she was, she couldn't just stand by and ignore someone being eaten.

She also didn't know what she was going to do. The vampire was following the girl, and while so far she had managed to stay in the public view, it was just a matter of time until the monster cornered her in some out of the way corner. Lily was willing the girl to stick to the public streets, but as she knew would happen eventually, the young woman turned down a deserted street, followed by the vamp. Lily rushed forward, but turned the corner just in time to see the slayer she had met earlier that year stake it from behind.

She ducked back around the corner, out of sight and walked quickly back to the bar, hoping the slayer hadn't seen her. It was happening just the way she had always hoped it wouldn't. She chose New York because even when she was in high school, it had never had much of a vampire problem. It had been explained to her once that vampires needed to stay hidden. Not just because of the sunlight problem, but also because they were still a statistically insignificant portion of the population. If enough people found out about them, they'd be hard pressed to survive as easily as they did currently. Manhunts and military action could put them in danger, despite their superior biology and relative immortality.

But now, even in New York, the vampires were becoming common enough that she felt compelled to take some action. Lily was afraid. Her past was coming back to haunt her, and it was just going to be a matter of time before she was found out. The stress of this was mixing with the already incredibly difficulty she was having dealing with the thoughts of getting married.

Under the surface, feelings and images swirled. Pictures of Ted or Barney, or even Robin now, hurt and bloody on the ground. It was when the picture of Marshall, ridges on his forehead and fangs in his mouth came unbidden to her mind that she lost it. She had to find a way out of this.

Weeks ago, when a co-worker had given her information about an art fellowship, she had been excited by the idea, and applied without looking too deeply into it. When after the application, she had found out it conflicted with the wedding, she was disappointed, but accepting. Besides, even if her wedding was not a conflict, the fellowship was in San Francisco, and she was pretty sure she never wanted to head back to California, even to a place that far from Sunnyda… from where she grew up.

But now, now that things were piling up so much, she was starting to think about it. There had been an open interview process that she hadn't planned on attending, but now, she needed to go and get away from all of this. Ted would forgive her, she decided, if he knew the truth. That had to be good enough. Wrapped up in her own issues, she decided not to worry too much about him, and to focus on getting to New Haven. The fellowship would give the gang a reason to blame for her running away.

Hours later, relief swept through her. She may have been accepted to the program, but she wasn't planning to go. She loved Marshall too much to do that to him because of a single scare. The slayer hadn't even seen her, and it was only two vampires in the past year. Both were dead now, and the slayer was clearly capable. Her worrying had been for nothing.

Still it was nice to know she had the option to escape.

Lily walked out of the door slowly, despite the urgency of the situation. The deliberateness of her stride somehow deepening the sense of sudden departure, rather than prolonging the goodbye. Even packing hadn't felt like a rush, the finality of the thing demanding she took her time, but yet somehow it still felt like from the beginning of the fight until the moment of her leaving had lasted a second. She walked in an attempt to be calm, but everything inside her felt like it was boiling over rather than settling down. The urge to run, to jump, to do something was heavy inside of her, and only strengthened as she recalled how she got here.

"_Uh, Robin, I-I gotta go. Just knock, okay?" Lily's eyes were wide and fearful as she looked at Marshall processing the information that he just learned._

"_Summer Fellowship?" Marshall still had half a smile on his face, as if wondering if the message had been some kind of joke. _

_Lily hadn't planned to go, she truly hadn't, she just liked the security of the possibility of going. She liked that she could do something as innocent as paint, and be accepted for it, she liked knowing that as the wedding approached, she had other options for when something turned it all to shit. _

_And she had expected it to go down, nothing in her life had ever gone well, no relationship she had ever been a part of had ended positively, and now that she was here with Marshall, she knew it was going to go down that road too, She just hadn't thought she would be the thing that put them there._

_She had spent days talking around the issue. Her arguments with Marshall starting and stopping, over and over. They had intended the pause function to be a stress relief. Allow the fight to stop before it got too heated, do something nice together, resume the fight and realize it wasn't as big a deal a couple hours later. This was different. The constant ups and downs of a fight that would never truly fade away until a decision had been made. Arguing, then eating, then fighting, then having sex, then back at each others throats with no break in between. No time to figure herself out. No time to understand what she was trying to get from this argument. _

"_Unpause?" Marshall sat up, but didn't stand yet. Sitting naked on the edge of the bed, unwilling to stand up yet, as if getting dressed would bring the emotions back, but staying on the bed would keep them away, the blankets a barrier to the conclusion of this argument they both could feel was coming. _

"_Unpause." Lily barely even whispered the word. Drawing in on herself, she closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable torrent of anger and frustration that she couldn't deflect anymore. But it didn't come, instead, the blow was much lighter, and much worse._

"_I know you love me Lily, but 'I was never going to go' has become 'I have to do this'. How can I trust that even if you do promise me that you'll come back, that isn't just a lie. You lied to me for weeks about this fellowship, and I couldn't bear the thought of you telling me you'll come back, and that just being another lie." Marshall stood up and pulled on his clothes, keeping his back to Lily and his head bent, as if turning from her would protect him from whatever response she gave._

_But Lily didn't have a response. There is was again. Trust. Her fighting wasn't about wanting to go to the fellowship, or about wanting to do more with her life, or even about escaping the wedding. She'd been fighting for Marshall's trust, and somehow over the course of this fight, her mistakes had been laid bare. She was no longer fighting to keep his trust in her, but instead to prove that it was wrong._

_Why should he trust her, she had lied to him not for weeks, but for years. Not about this one thing, but about everything. Marshall was one of the most genuinely wonderful people she'd ever had the luck to be with. He was as sweet and caring as Tara, as self confident as Kennedy, and as understanding of her needs as Oz. She felt she could be herself with him, and most of the time she was, but there was always something she was holding back, and Marshall didn't deserve that._

_Telling him she "had to go" had been laying the framework, but she had been hesitating on pulling the trigger because she couldn't bear to leave him behind. Now, however, she knew what she had to do. _

"_I need some air" Marshall slipped on his shoes and went downstairs to take a walk. Lily took advantage of the time to herself to begin packing. She didn't take everything. She would never be able to fit it all, but she did take the things she needed. When she was done, she brought the bag out to the living room, and sat on the couch, waiting for Marshall. It'd be so easy to run, but she couldn't. She had to make sure that he wouldn't follow. The fight had to end, not be postponed. _

_Marshall walked in a few minutes later, eyes immediately flicking to the bag and his face hardening. Lily stood before he could say anything, and spoke aloud the words she had been reciting to herself for the last hour._

"_Marshall, I love you more than anything in the world, but I need to do this before I'm settled down and can't do it again." What was one more lie among the many she had already told, and would tell again. "I'm sorry. I want to tell you that I'll be back. I want to tell you to wait for me, but that's not fair, and you're right, I shouldn't make you wait around for three months, postpone our wedding, and expect you to welcome me back with open arms." Lily placed something on the table as she walked towards Marshall, bag in hand. She reached up and pulled his face down into one final kiss, her face pressed against his, the taste of her tears in her mouth as she tried to savor what she had decided would be the last kiss she ever got from this man. "I love you Marshall, I'm so sorry," and with that, she walked out the door, leaving Marshall alone with his thoughts and her ring._

The buildup of emotion and energy Lily felt wouldn't stop, but rather kept growing. Her awareness of it didn't help, but rather made it worse, as she began to add fear to the mix. The pain, hurt, sadness, anger and fear were mixing and bubbling up inside her, growing and twisting, and Lily felt like she couldn't contain it anymore. With effort, she kept the emotion down, still walking calmly, ducking into an alleyway and putting her back against the wall. Breathing heavily and with her eyes closed, she didn't notice the vampire sneaking up beside her. This vampire was quite proud of himself. While his brethren were still stuck in the dark, coming out only at night, he was always willing to buck tradition. Sure it was a risk to come out during daytime, but an overcast day, in a city with plenty of dark alleys and subway stations if the sun decided to show itself meant that he could be anywhere he wanted most days. It meant that he could hunt before sunset, and be out of the danger when night fell and the slayers stalked streets.

And here was a perfect example of that. Humans naturally feared the dark, even if they didn't know the truth about what was out there, they were less likely to walk down a dark alley than a well lit one (even if the well lit one was more secluded). And even though it was overcast, there were no shadows to jump at in this alley, and that made finding a meal even easier for him. Case in point, this beautiful redhead had just stepped into this alley of her own accord, no fears, no worries about what might be hiding around the corner. Confident in the daylight. Stupid.

Lily felt the pressure inside her reach a breaking point, and just as the vampire was about to release his fangs, she let out a scream. This wasn't a shout, yell or even a shriek, but a true scream, full-throated and hoarse, as the power behind the release shredded her vocal chords. As the noise echoed around the walls of the alley, the sky overhead suddenly darkened. The clouds became plump with moisture that hadn't been there a moment ago, and the breeze of the early summer cooled. The vampire backed slowly away. He didn't mind eating the crazy ones, but there was something more than insanity in that scream. A taste in the air, a buzzing of his skin. He turned and fled from the noise, leaving a crumpled and crying girl behind.

Lily cried, and so did the sky. She made her way to the airport in the pouring rain, barely stopping to think about how wet she was getting. The dark clouds a reflection of her own sadness at the sacrifice she was making. She was simultaneously hoping that Marshall would chase her, and that he forget her and find someone better for him. Still, she had no second thoughts as she bought her ticket to San Fransisco, the location holding no fear for her anymore. The pain of losing Marshall overcoming even her trepidation of returning to California.

She boarded the plane, and as she took off, flying away from the life she had built herself, the exhaustion of the day and the emotion took over her. She drifted off just as they crested the clouds and rose above one of the worst and most surprising storms NYC had seen in over a decade.


End file.
